Monika Kørra will sign copies of her book Aug. 25 (photo by Penguin Random House).

"Have you looked fear in the face and said I just don’t care?"

If there is someone who can answer the line from Pink’s song, “Glitter in the Air” … it’s Monika Kørra.

The former SMU track and cross country star earned a measure of notoriety in the United States and in her home country of Norway when she responded to being raped in December 2009 by starting a foundation to help empower other women who are survivors, and to educate men. Most media outlets will not name victims of rape and sexual assault, but Kørra talked publicly. She did interviews for stories that included her picture, for television reports that included her name and face. She put a name and a face on an issue that affects everyone, everywhere.

Now she has written a book. Kill the Silence: A Survivor’s Life Reclaimed chronicles the attack Kørra endured, the feelings and challenges she has faced since then and how she found the strength to get her life back. While she fully intended to document her recovery journey, the book almost caught her off guard.

Kørra will be signing at 6:30 p.m., Aug. 25 in the Hall of Fame Club in the east end of SMU’s Moody Coliseum. Make plans to attend, to buy one or more books, to hear Kørra discuss her experiences and sign books. The event will include hors oeuvres and refreshments, as well as a chance to meet Kørra.

“My idea was to share what I have learned through the healing process to help others,” Kørra said. “I actually didn’t plan on writing a book. I just started writing for my own sake, for my own healing. But I used writing, through the ups and downs, and that helped me. When I started to look back at it, I thought I had done something right, because I started to feel better. I looked at the steps I took running back to a normal life, and hopefully they can help other victims.

“I want to reach everyone that has struggled with adversity in their lives, and maybe needs that extra bit of hope, that extra motivation to overcome something dramatic. Hopefully some of those people will be helped by this book.”

In writing her book, Kørra does something many rape and sexual assault victims don’t do: she talks about subjects that are not easy to discuss.

“It’s a difficult subject, an uncomfortable subject,” Kørra said. “A lot of people don’t want to talk about it. (According to law enforcement officials, PERCENTAGE of rapes and sexual assaults never get reported.) My hope is that with this book making it a personal story, it will help people think about it and talk about it. It will help show what it is, how serious it is.

“People need to realize rape is something we need to fight, and something we need to talk about. It’s not something that you can experience and then forget about next week. Often, people will hear about someone getting raped and say ‘get over it,’ but it doesn’t work like that. It’s an awful crime, and we have to fight it.”

Kørra said the hesitation by many to discuss being raped and assaulted is reflected in the lack of books written by survivors who are eager to share their stories.

“That’s the issue: not a lot of people talk about it,” she said. “They often feel alone in it, as if nobody understands what happened to them. But as I started working through it, you know what? There’s a lot of us out there. I hate to read about other victims — every one breaks my heart. But it is empowering to know there are people out there who understand. (Some) people will go into this book and say, ‘I don’t want to read this. It’s sad — it’s not a part of the world I want to know about.’ They need to know — it’s real. But they also need to know that it’s not a book about how awful this world is. It’s a book about hope and healing. It opens up conversations to things most people don’t want to talk about, and hopefully they’ll realize that ‘if I struggle, it’s OK to talk about it.’

“There’s a lot of literature on PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder), but there is very little about Rape Trauma Syndrome (RTS), which is a branch of PTSD. A lot of psychologists think that if you make it personal, more people can relate to it, and maybe more people can recover from it. I have thought to myself, ‘if I could have read something like this in my first year, it could have given me a lot of hope.’ If I had been able to read about how others survived it, I might have realized I could, too. That first year, I thought I was losing it, I thought I was going crazy. I was scared — I didn’t know how long everything was going to stay that way. I wondered if my life would always be that way.”

Once she decided to turn her journal entries into a book, Kørra soon realized that in her effort to help others, she was accelerating her own healing process.

“In choosing to tell my story, I hope to shatter the silence that often follows attacks like the one I endured. The paralyzing feelings of guilt and shame that accompany being raped last far longer than the assault itself. Jost as rapists often tell their victims to shut their mouths, society can do something similar to victims. I hope that by sharing my experiences, I can help others who’ve been raped , as well as their family members, friends, mental health experts and counselors, gain a new and better perspective from somewon who was there and is now. The silence does not have to linger forever. I’m fortunate that I was able to utilize many of the skills and traits that I developed over the years as a competitive runner to aid my healing.”

Monika Kørra was a member of the cross country and track and field teams at SMU (photo by Sixthblade photography).

The healing process, Kørra said, is about more than a victim returning to some semblance of a normal life. It also clarifies which relationships in their lives are strongest.

“You learn who really is there for you — family members, close friends. You also realize who isn’t. I lost some friends because of what happened to me. My family and some friends supported me in everything I went through, but there were other friends who didn’t know what to say, and I never heard from them again.

“Sometimes there is no ‘right thing to say,’ but something like this can teach you about those around you. I know I’ll go through a lot of challenging things in my life, and now I know who will be there. I know my family will be there, I know my best friends will be there. I don’t need a lot of people around me, but I know who those core people are, the ones who are always going to be there. Sometimes there’s nothing to say, and rape is one of those times. No one expects you to be a psychologist, to fix them. Sometimes (the victim) just needs you to listen, or a simple hug, just letting someone know you’re there, to be a friend.”

Those who come to the book signing Aug. 25 are encouraged to show up ready to purchase a book, or better yet, multiple copies to share with friends, family, co-workers. The proceeds from the sales of her book will go to the Monika Kørra Foundation, helping to cover her expenses while writing Kill the Silence and allowing her to continue the work of her foundation, traveling around the country to share her story and educate groups at corporations, universities, military bases, crime prevention conventions, etc. She also has ideas about additional books she would like to write, and perhaps a movie. Her goals include the development of a healing center for trauma victims, a center where survivors heal through a combination of counseling, exercise and being out in nature, a center where survivors share their experiences and help each other heal.

Rape and sexual assault happen more than almost anyone realizes. Too often, survivors say nothing. Too often, those who do speak up are ignored or get a fraction of the help they need.

“Pretty much all of us know someone that has been through something like I went through,” Kørra said. “You might not realize it, but you do, and everyone who has been through it has to go through a healing process. People need to talk about it, and to have someone listen. When I talk to other victims, everyone’s story is different, but everyone’s healing process is remarkably similar.”

Having her signing at SMU was the only logical option for Kørra.

“It makes sense to have it at SMU,” she said. “It’s where I healed from it. All of the support I received from SMU — from the track coaches to the whole athletic department to the SMU police department to the university itself — they responded to it in such a positive way. They way SMU supported me showed they care about the safety of their students. Instead of ignoring me, instead of ignoring the issues of rape and sexual assault, SMU set a good example for universities everywhere, for companies, of how to respond.”

“I was victimized, but I refuse to be called a victim.

I’ve been sad, but I won’t let anyone feel sorry for me anymore.

I’ve been raped, but I will never let that define who I am.”

— Monika Kørra in Kill the Silence: A Survivor’s Life Reclaimed

(photo by Sixthblade photography).